Movie Memory Machine

Mini-Transmission: The Vampire's Assistant: Cirque du Freak (2009)

The Machine delivers a vampire movie that doesn’t suck… it punches.
In this Mini-Transmission, Truman and Landen unpack Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant with confusion, frustration, and a deep dive into a freak show that left them feeling personally attacked.
 
What You’ll Hear:
Is Darren Shan fanfiction or middle school fiction?
The untapped greatness of Ray Stevenson and a villain with actor energy
The Trailer Game: how many freaks fit in two minutes?
Logistics of Mr. Tiny’s limo, vampire punch physics, and auto maintenance in the dark carnival
A clue from the Machine: “Fearing is believing…”
 
Want more weird cinema and Machine-fueled chaos? Follow us here:
– Support the show on Patreon: https://patreon.com/gruntworkpod
– Season watchlist on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/moviememorypod/
– Visit our website: https://www.moviememorymachine.com
 
Tags: Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant, John C. Reilly, Ray Stevenson, YA Vampire Movies, Book Adaptations

The Vampire's Assistant: Cirque du Freak (2009) – YA franchise that was buried alive

Released at the height of Twilight fever, Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant (2009) tried to launch the next big YA franchise — and fell flat on its face. We’re going back to the circus to ask why this fantasy oddity vanished into the shadows.
Based on Darren Shan’s bestselling YA novels, Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant (2009) follows teenager Darren, who stumbles into a hidden world of vampires and sideshow outcasts after making a fateful pact with the mysterious Larten Crepsley. Directed by Paul Weitz and starring John C. Reilly, Josh Hutcherson, and Chris Massoglia, the film arrived during Hollywood’s rush to capture the Twilight audience. Instead of launching a franchise, it struggled at the box office and quickly disappeared from the cultural conversation.
What You’ll Hear
How Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant blends gothic vampires with carnival spectacle — and why it doesn’t quite work.
The challenges of adapting Darren Shan’s sprawling book series into one movie.
John C. Reilly’s surprising turn as a vampire mentor and the mixed performances around him.
The Machine’s breakdown of box office results and critical reception for the film.
A few unexpected tangents, including the strange timing of the YA vampire boom.
 
Want more forgotten cinema and Machine-fueled chaos? Follow us here:
Support the show on Patreon: https://patreon.com/gruntworkpod
See the season watchlist on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/moviememorypod/
Visit our website: https://www.moviememorymachine.com
 
Tags: Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant, 2009, Weitz, Reilly, Hutcherson, Massoglia, Fantasy, Vampire, YA

5 For: Hotel Artemis (2018)

A dystopian hotel, a crime gone wrong, and one very dumb movie with a basketball death match.
This week, the Machine delivers five thematically entangled transmissions for Hotel Artemis — from siege thrillers to pop culture-saturated criminals.
 
WHAT YOU’LL HEAR
Five thematically related films that echo Hotel Artemis’ dystopian setting, crime-laden plot, or ensemble structure
A nostalgic riff on The Purge’s original script and its budget-conscious premise
Safe space shootouts and worldbuilding fatigue in John Wick: Chapter 2
The politics and pressure-cooker dynamics of John Carpenter’s Assault on Precinct 13
Surfboards, scalpels, and Snake Plissken in Escape from L.A.
Tarantino fatigue and Disney references in Reservoir Dogs and Hotel Artemis
Want more weird cinema and Machine-fueled chaos? Follow us here:
– Support the show on Patreon: https://patreon.com/gruntworkpod
– Season watchlist on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/moviememorypod/
– Visit our website: https://moviememorymachine.com
 
Tags: Hotel Artemis, 5 For Theme, Dystopian Crime, Siege Films, John Carpenter, Tarantino, Safe Zone Settings
 

Mini-Transmission: Hotel Artemis (2018) – Don’t Take Off Your Mask During a Heist

In near-future Los Angeles, the Hotel Artemis treats wounded criminals — but our hosts are more concerned with countdown etiquette, 3D-printed weapons, and where Jeff Goldblum keeps his tiny hand bomb.
 
What you'll hear:
Heist etiquette, countdown anxiety, and why masks should stay on — even in your sleep
Sci-fi tech that makes no ergonomic sense (looking at you, jade egg communicator)
The Trailer Game returns: glitches, rules, and a guess about California Dreamin
The Machine delivers our next destination… in bones
A cryptic clue about someone named Darren and the horror dimension he rules
 
Want more weird cinema and Machine-fueled chaos? Follow us here:
– Support the show on Patreon: https://patreon.com/gruntworkpod
– Season watchlist on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/moviememorypod/
– Visit our website: https://www.moviememorymachine.com
 
Tags: Hotel Artemis, Jodie Foster, Jeff Goldblum, Sci-Fi, Heist, Dystopia, The Trailer Game

Hotel Artemis (2018) – The B-Movie That Dreamed of a Franchise

What if your health insurance got you shot?
In Hotel Artemis (2018), Jodie Foster runs a secret hospital for criminals in riot-torn Los Angeles — but despite ten unbreakable rules, nobody seems to follow any of them, including the movie itself.
Set in the not-so-distant future of 2028, Hotel Artemis follows a covert Los Angeles hospital for criminals operated out of an abandoned art deco hotel. As riots explode in the streets over water shortages, the hospital’s no-nonsense nurse (Jodie Foster) tries to maintain order among a roster of wounded guests, including a bank robber (Sterling K. Brown), an assassin (Sofia Boutella), and a volatile arms dealer (Charlie Day), while her loyal orderly (Dave Bautista) enforces a strict code of rules. Written and directed by Drew Pearce (Iron Man 3, Rogue Nation), and featuring music by Cliff Martinez, the film was released in 2018 by Global Road Entertainment — a now-defunct studio that collapsed shortly after its debut.
 
What's Included:
Why Hotel Artemis feels like a sci-fi movie made entirely of side quests
A breakdown of its box office fate, failed franchise setup, and forgotten studio
How Jodie Foster reshaped her role — and nearly saved the movie
Rules, riots, and the case against record players in dystopias
Which cast members could pull off playing Dirk Pitt (spoiler: most of them)
 
Follow Movie Memory Machine for new episodes every Friday.
Support the show on Patreon: https://patreon.com/gruntworkpod
See our season watchlist on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/moviememorypod/
Visit our website: https://moviememorymachine.com
 
Tags: Hotel Artemis, 2018, Drew Pearce, Jodie Foster, Sterling K. Brown, Sci-Fi, Action, Dystopia, Global Road
 

5 For: Body of Lies (2008) – Spies, Beards, and Edge-of-Your-Seat Thrillers

The Machine wrests control of the list and serves up five films that echo, challenge, or outshine Body of Lies (2008). From Cold War shadows to desert firefights, these movies test the limits of trust, tension, and espionage on screen.
A black-and-white classic spy story with Richard Burton and moral fallout
The beard-to-weight Oscar conspiracy of Syriana
Why Spielberg’s Munich lingers longer than expected
The controversy, urgency, and Jessica Chastain of Zero Dark Thirty
Sicario and the Fox News uncle tightrope — plus a Daniel Craig sidebar
Want more weird cinema and Machine-fueled chaos? Follow us here:
– Support the show on Patreon: https://patreon.com/gruntworkpod
– Season watchlist on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/moviememorypod/
– Visit our website: https://moviememorymachine.com

Mini-Transmission: Body of Lies (2008) – “Cut the Bullshit, Give Me the Information”

Leonardo DiCaprio side-sips a beer. Landen sprays beer out his nose. Somehow, that’s still more memorable than anything in Body of Lies.
This Mini-Transmission spirals from forgettable marketing into prop comedy, actor auditions, and the least effective interrogation techniques ever recorded.
Why Body of Lies has one of the most boring posters and marketing campaigns imaginable
Truman and Landen’s beer-soaked reenactment of Leo’s bizarre drinking habits
A live-read audition of “Cut the bullshit, give me the information. What do you know?” (with escalating chaos)
The Trailer Game: what the marketing promised vs. what the trailer actually delivered
The Next Movie Reveal: June 8, 2018, with a clue — “No guns, no cops, no killing the other patients.”
Want more weird cinema and Machine-fueled chaos? Follow us here:
– Support the show on Patreon: https://patreon.com/gruntworkpod
– Season watchlist on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/moviememorypod/
– Visit our website: https://www.moviememorymachine.com
 

Body of Lies (2008) | The Most Forgettable Movie of All-Time

What happens when you take a CIA thriller, strip it of personality, and add brown contact lenses? Body of Lies (2008) is the rare war-on-terror drama that forgets itself while you’re still watching it.
Released in 2008 by Warner Bros. and directed by Ridley Scott, Body of Lies stars Leonardo DiCaprio as a CIA operative running ground operations in Jordan and Russell Crowe as his remote, micromanaging superior. Based on a novel by Washington Post journalist David Ignatius and adapted by The Departed screenwriter William Monahan, the film aims to unpack the moral murk of post-9/11 intelligence work—but ends up lost in its own signal noise. While DiCaprio chases terrorists, navigates drone surveillance, and courts a Jordanian nurse, Crowe barks orders from soccer practice and derails every plan by phone. Though it opened wide and grossed over $100 million worldwide, the film was quickly forgotten—its high-caliber cast, serious subject matter, and prestige trappings fading into a blur of glassy spy thrillers and Sunday dad naps.
WHAT YOU’LL HEAR
How Body of Lies tries to critique U.S. counterterrorism—and forgets to have a point
A full debrief on Ridley Scott’s technical precision, emotional frost, and Russell Crowe’s “dad weight” era
The accidental comedy of DiCaprio’s brown contacts, deleted Poseidon jokes, and a romance built on rabies shots
Follow Movie Memory Machine for weekly transmissions from the strangest corners of film history.
Support the show on Patreon: patreon.com/gruntworkpod
See the full season watchlist on Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/moviememorypod
Visit the Machine’s control panel: moviememorymachine.com
 
Tags: Body of Lies, Ridley Scott, Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, 2008, Spy Thriller, War on Terror, Forgotten Movies
Why this movie may have inspired more dad dreams than actual fans
 

Mini-Transmission: The Rundown (2003) | Between The Rock and a Jungle Place

What do Brazilian fight scenes, video game sound cues, and a referee with a whistle have in common? This Mini-Transmission dives into the sonic mayhem of The Rundown (2003), plays the easiest Trailer Game of all time, and ends with a cryptic new clue from the Machine.
 
WHAT YOU’LL HEAR
A spirited debate over whether a jungle fight scene is secretly reffed by a whistle-happy sports official
A haunting PlayStation startup sound hidden in the score
The easiest (and most accurate) round of The Trailer Game yet
A nostalgic fall down the hill — and into Hot Rod comparisons
A cryptic Next Movie Reveal: “Trust no one. Deceive everyone.”
 
Want more weird cinema and Machine-fueled chaos? Follow us here:
– Support the show on Patreon: https://patreon.com/gruntworkpod
– Season watchlist on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/moviememorypod/
– Visit our website: https://www.moviememorymachine.com

5 For: The Rundown (2003)